Idea 1
For her starter, Pernicious is cooking black mermaids
covered in mustard.
Her main consists of chargrilled elephant bladder with
confit oesophagus, a train ticket puree and Coors Light jus, accompanied by
breaded glove on a bed of Brita-filtered marrowfat peas.
Idea 2
Delacroix is cooking a handful of earthworms, marinated in
safety pins with chervil and linseed,
boiled in One Coat gloss emulsion from
B&Q, and served with loaded dice, ground horse teeth and confit of the
nipples.
To start, he’ll serve corn on the cob flung out of an
upstairs window, onto a watercress and West Wing box set salad.
Idea 3
Allspice is constructing some meat steps, with a tweed
bisque, a dead skin tuille and Pocky bannisters.
Idea 4
Orrery is cooking a fennel insurance scheme, marinated in a
cervix and cement reduction, served with diced porcelain, salted benefit
claimants and a hot crab.
For dessert, he'll whisper quietly into your ear while
spooning individual skittles into your mouth.
Idea 5
The population of Winchester is cooking a large bat in
between two heated tube train doors, served on a teleported onion, Pogs three
ways (melted, whole, blessed), and suspicious fish eyes, all drenched in an
imaginary jus with silly croutons.
For dessert, the entire town will perform Les Miserables
with home-made shortbread.
Idea 6
Slippery Pete is ignoring his parents’ advice, while
fishmongers perform an ancient fertility ritual, a dirty boy rolls freshly dug
beetroots across a lubricated surface, and Jenna Jameson plays drums.
For the main course, he’s constructing a scale model of the
Dorchester hotel out of Hydrogen molecules and serving it on a slab of reformed
ham.
Idea 7
Everyone you know and love is projectile vomiting into an
airing cupboard, while Ringo Starr narrates porn through a loud-hailer and
Jilly Goolden maintains eye contact with your Dad. To accompany, they’ll be
breading golf balls and driving them from the 9th at Gleneagles,
served on a bed of dead kestrels.
For dessert, you can’t look directly at anyone you speak to
for the rest of the week, with custard.
